BY THE SKIN OF MY TEETH
I took a shot in the dark, quit my job shoveling shit on a horse farm, and drove 300 miles toward Fort Myers, Florida.
I took a shot in the dark, quit my job shoveling shit on a horse farm, and drove 300 miles toward Fort Myers, Florida. I was going to check out a job I found on craigslist. A farm was looking for someone to cultivate gourmet mushrooms.
After a few phone calls with the owner I decided to go down and check out the operation. 10 years ago I was the head of operations for my own mushroom farm, and I was excited for the possibility of getting back into growing again.
Halfway down my front passenger tire started shaking. I pulled off the highway and drove up on a curb to see if I could find the problem. Nothing obvious was wrong so I decided to risk it and keep on driving.
For whatever reason driving on the curb seemed to temporarily fix the issue, but I was 50 miles away from my destination when my tire started shaking again. It was dusk, and I really didn’t want to break down in the dark in the middle of nowhere Florida.
So I pulled over at a campground next to Peace river in Zolfo Springs and weighed my options. I moved through a whole host of emotions that night, anxiety, fear, shame, doubt, anger. In the midst of that storm, I anchored down and channeled all of that tumultuous energy into the Earth.
I woke up the next morning to remove the front tire from my car so I could get a better look at the situation. As soon as I started loosening the lug nuts I found my problem. All five Lugnuts were loose. So I tightened them up and went on my way.
The next two days I felt out the opportunity I was being offered. It was a bit of a shit show for reasons I won’t go into here. I woke up the second night after an intense nightmare, packed up my tent and took off.
Normally, I would have lived in an intense state of anxiety, but something had shifted in me and I knew that my action to leave was an action taken in my own power, while trusting divine alignment to lead me on.
I spent the morning relaxing at a mineral Springs before driving north to Orlando, where I found a campsite and pitched my tent.
The next day I woke up, fully aware of my dwindling cash reserves. I took some time to meditate, release anxiety and fear and lean into my heart.
I’ve been learning to surrender. Surrender to the impulse of my soul. The right question often brings clarity and the question in my heart was “what do I truly desire?”
In the emptiness of meditation, a clear image came to my mind, “my bare feet walking into a simple earthen home.”
I knew there was only one place I could build that home.
Sometimes we make decisions begrudgingly, hesitantly, or uncertainly and we carry the energy of those emotions into our actions. That energy often influences the outcomes we experience.
The energy with which I took action to make that vision a reality was clear and certain. My body hummed with excitement! When I ran the numbers to find out if I had enough cash to make it all the way to my unbuilt earthen home I came up $100 short.
But the fire in my body, the certainty in my soul reminded me “where there is a will there is a way.”
As I write this, I am 6 hours from my destination. Gas has been significantly cheaper than I estimated and I will have just enough cash to land in my hometown of Gallup, NM and buy groceries for a week.
I’ve made it through many challenging experiences by the skin of my teeth. That skin is strong, it must be in my genes, a gift from my grandparents who lived a subsistence lifestyle in the land of the Diné. The land to which I return.
Most of my readers here are family. If you’re able and willing to become a paid subscriber to my Substack your contribution would be greatly appreciated as I transition back to the home of my youth.
If you prefer to make a onetime contribution you can send me cash via
Cashapp: https://cash.app/$JOSHUAKRUIS
If all you’ve got is prayers to send my way that would be greatly appreciated as well.
Shalom 🙏